Guidelines for telling when a relationship is healthy
This post describes what markers are good indicators of a positive, thriving relationship. These indicators apply not only to consanguinamorous relationships, but also to any intimate relationship between two or more people.
- Do I strive to treat my partner with compassion, even when it’s difficult? Does my partner treat me with compassion?
- Do the people involved apologize and forgive one another when they make mistakes?
- Does this relationship help me to be the best possible version of myself? When I look at my partner, do I see the best of him or her?
- Does each person in the relationship have a say in knowing what’s best for himself or herself, instead of one person dictating whats best for the other?
- Am I moving with courage in this relationship? Is my partner moving with courage? For example, do the people involve say things like “I think this will bring me joy and fulfillment, so I will reach for it” instead of “I have been hurt before, so I better not”? Do they say “Here are the things that scare me, and here are some thing you can do to help support me” instead of “Here’s a list of things I forbid you to do”?
- Does this relationship give me the opportunity to grow and learn and develop in a way that nourishes me and makes me happy and fulfilled? Does it offer these same opportunities to the other person?
- Can I say whatever I need to say, whenever I need to say it, and have a reasonable expectation that the other person will hear and understand me? Am I creating an environment where my partner can tell me what they need to say, even if its something I don’t want to hear, and I will hear it?
- Are the people in the relationship committed to handling conflict, when it comes up, in a constructive, positive, and reasonable way, rather than with anger and hostility?
- Does everyone in the relationship have a hand in the relationship, is everyone’s voices heard, and does everyone in the relationship have the ability to help build the things that make their parts of it happy, healthy, and fulfilling?
- Does the relationship give the people involved the opportunity and support they need to pursue their joy?
These make a good starting point for deciding whether or not a relationship is healthy.