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Notes on Safety for Meeting Others In Person

As with meeting anyone over the internet, when meeting a person from the consanguinamory community it’s good to be aware of the risks involved and take precautions to mitigate the risk. Here are some notes on how to reduce risk when meeting people you met online:

  • Talk before meeting and get to know the other person to see if they seem like a kind, respectful person. Chatting via private messages and on an instant messenger such as Wire is good. It can also be good to talk on a Wire voice call or Skype, even if just for a few minutes so you can hear what they sound like.
  • Avoid giving someone personally identifying details such as your real legal name, date of birth, address, phone number, social security number, credit card number, or the name or address of your employer, and avoid anyone who repeatedly asks or pressures you to divulge such identifying details. While many people are good, there are people who have an irrational hatred for consanguinamorous people and it’s good to avoid them and avoid giving them information they can use to stalk you.
  • Don’t send any photographic evidence that you’ve engaged in sex with a family member or relative
  • Have your own transportation to and from the meeting place. Don’t get into their car.
  • Set up Safe Calls.
    • A Safe Call is a safety procedure where people tell outside parties where they will be and when they’ll be checking back in by phone. If a person does not check in, the third party calls for help.
    • Choose your Safe Call carefully. The person receiving the Safe Call should be someone you know and trust, such as a friend or family member. The person doesn’t need to know about your interest in consanguinamory, they just need to be someone who cares about your safety.
    • Provide the person receiving the Safe Call with the following information about yourself: your full name, your home address, your phone number, car information (make, model, color, and license plate number) and detailed travel itinerary (flight numbers, departure times, arrival times, rental car information, etc.)
    • Provide the person receiving the Safe Call with any or all of the following information you know about person you’re meeting: his full name, his screen name(s) / logon ID(s), his address, his phone number(s), his age, description, drivers license information, and anything else you know about him.
    • Also provide the Safe Call recipient with the location of the meeting, phone number of the meeting place, time and date of the meeting, the local phone number of the police, and a list of people to contact in case of an emergency.
    • Make safe calls after the first 15 minutes, after the first 45 minutes, after the first 2 hours, when the meeting is over, and then 30 minutes after. If the meeting is longer than 3 hour make the call every 2 hours.
  • If the person you’re meeting objects to the safe calls, leave.
  • Whenever possible bring a friend or family member who knows you and your interest in consanguinamory.
  • Meet some place where you are comfortable, not too close to where you live.
  • Meet in a public place, preferably one where there are security cameras or where your friends frequent.
  • Meet in a well lit area, ideally during the day.
  • Bring a cell phone.
  • Don’t let the other person follow you to your car or see your license plate.
  • Don’t leave your keys, wallet, or drink unattended.
  • Be honest and straightforward.
  • Trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable or if the meeting isn’t going well, leave.
  • Avoid alcohol on your first meeting, stay sober.
  • Have an escape route – several options that will allow you to get out of the situation quickly if anything happens.
  • Keep your first meeting brief.
  • After the meeting make sure you’re not being followed. If you feel you are being followed, drive to a police station.

And here are some warning signs to look out for:

  • Does he try to pressure you into meeting before you feel comfortable?
  • Does the other person want to meet in a secluded place, like a hotel room, apartment, or in a dark alley?
  • Does he respect your precautions about safety or does he belittle your concern and try to coerce you?
  • Does the other person want you to come alone?
  • Does he insist that you meet at night or want to meet in a dark poorly lit area?
  • Does she want to meet right away, without first getting to know each other?
  • Does the other person want to see photos or videos of you engaging in sex with a family member or relative?
  • Does he want to meet you at your place?
  • Does he want to meet you at their place?
  • Does the other person seem to be hiding something? Does he avoid answering reasonable questions?
  • Is he inconsistent in what he writes and says? Does he contradict himself?
  • Is the other person domineering and bullying?
  • Does he try to isolate you from friends, family, and others?

More detailed tips for how to minimize risk when meeting someone offline can be found here: